High school Vs. Reality 🥴

I was in the car driving home from my ice skating lesson when I thought about an assignment I was given during my senior year of high school. 

We had to write an essay about our plans for the future after high school. We had to write about where we planned to go to college, what we would study, the career we envisioned for ourselves, what age we wanted to get married, and when we wanted to have children, and how many.  We were also assigned to reflect on our reasoning for our choices.  If we wanted to wait to get married until 30, why?  What was your imagined (and idealized) future self doing between ages 22 and 30?  

I wrote about how I was going to go to college to study theater and drama, so I could perfect my acting skills.  After graduation, I would move to New York City, live in an apartment the size of a shoebox, and get a day job as a waitress while I went on auditions.  I would dedicate five years to establishing my acting career before getting married at the age of 27, and having 4-6 children.  I remember this assignment well, because I received a 100%, and my teacher commented that she thought I had a good plan, and 27 was the perfect age to get married and start having a family.

I hadn’t thought of this assignment in years, but while I was in the car driving home from my lesson, I was listening to an episode of the podcast “Modern Mom Probs” about being “a good enough mother”.  The guest was Dr. Tanya Cotler, a psychologist specializing in maternal mental health.

At the end of the episode, Dr. Cotler discussed the problem with the silent messaging that motherhood is an arrival- an endpoint or goal we achieve, and upon achievement of that goal, we will experience joy, bliss and fulfillment.  She explains that motherhood isn’t an arrival or goal.  Motherhood is a developmental process… moments in time we move through, where we may experience joy, bliss and fulfillment, but we also may experience anger, boredom or ambivalence.

The essay I was assigned many years ago was problematic for more than one reason, but one of the biggest ones is that the assignment didn’t ask us to imagine a life beyond marriage and children.  The implication?  That motherhood (or parenthood- the males in my class had to do this assignment, too) were arrivals.  Achievements.  

As a mother, I’ve experienced joy, bliss, wonder and fulfillment.  But I have also experienced depression, anxiety, ambivalence, frustration and anger.  And at times, I’ve thought I was alone, that I was a bad mother and something was wrong with me.  

When I’m in that state of mind, the best thing I can do is connect with my mom friends who get it. They remind me that I’m not a bad mother, and I'm not alone.

That’s why I created Yoga for Moms with New Babies.  Because us moms need each other… We need to know that there are other moms who have moments where they don’t like their kids, other moms who are so tired they can’t see straight, other moms who are struggling because they don’t get enough time to themselves and other moms who wonder whether they should add another child to the family. 

And because we work together for 8 consecutive weeks- we watch each other week to week as these feelings change.  The high-needs baby turned into a delightful toddler.  The baby slept through the night, and you feel like a whole new you!  Your leaking improves, and your mental health starts to improve as well.  

We move through these moments in time, together.  We develop together.

The next series start in September.  The current two series sold out, so if you’re interested, click here to join the waitlist.  You’ll be the first to know when a spot opens up.  

xo,

Mary